Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
