i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am naked and annoyed.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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