I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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