dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
