He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
