I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
