the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
