Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
