my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
