Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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