I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
