Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
