Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
