Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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