Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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