I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
