There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm so fucking centered right now
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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