I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
