If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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