did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
