I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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