You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
