6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
