Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize