sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
