is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
