yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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