You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
