Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
