Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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