So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
