"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
