We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
