i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
