she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
whose ass print is on the piano?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
