This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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