Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
