there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
