is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Randomize
