I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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