oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
