I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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