There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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