explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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