Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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