I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
