we have pet lesbian snakes
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize