She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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