Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize