I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
