so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
