Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
