Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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