so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
