The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
