so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
