I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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