Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
