You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
