I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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