Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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