that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
