There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
