Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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