we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
