im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
