So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
