My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
