Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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