The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
