Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
