we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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