I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize