the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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