Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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