I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
