Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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