if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
