I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize