On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
