Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
