im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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