I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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