i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
