R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
