I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
