tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
