wrigley field is MILF paradise
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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