There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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