She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
