I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize