You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
