All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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