just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there was a trapeze. enough said
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
